The Hollow Heart
by MalecIsEverything
Summary: "The rune to fix a broken heart is the most painful." Alec knew that, he knew it and the dangers that came along with using the rune, but it was his only option. The only choice to help him cope and move on. Nonetheless, the problem remains: he can't move on and when the Seelie Queen takes note of this she just might make it work to her advantage.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

I really shouldn't be starting a new fan fiction considering the fact that I haven't finished my other one multi-chapter one, but hey, some rules are meant to be broke (even if they are my own).

This one might be short considering that it will contain loads of angst, ten chapters tops… Who am I kidding I'll probably make it longer. **Rolls eyes at ones self**

This has been inspired by an image of one of those crinkled notes that are posted all over the net, I'm not sure who makes them so if the owner happens to come across this little piece I will definitely give them credit for it, until then, my apologies for taking it and using it as my inspiration for this plot bunny.

P.S. Just something to keep in mind, I'm not entirely sure there's such a thing as a **rune to fix a broken heart or one that some how alleviates the emotional/physical pain that comes along with it** SO for all intensive purposes of this story: lets pretend there is.

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"_The rune for fixing a broken heart is the most painful."-Alexander Lightwood, City of Bones._

The note had appeared on the countertop of his bar next to the kitchen. The handwriting was elegant yet rushed and one that seemed so familiar to the one he had grown accustomed to seeing almost everyday on small scraps of paper all over his apartment.

Nonetheless it wasn't the same calligraphy, even though he wished it were.

With a sigh Magnus grabbed the note and inhaled sharply as an unknown force wrapped itself around his heart. Swiftly, he read the simple 6 lines of writing present in his hands.

His grip on the note tightened, the sound of the crinkling paper, along with his breathing being the only things heard throughout the whole apartment.

Without realizing it his vision had blurred slightly, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over at any second. Thinking it best to sit down before his legs gave out on him, he sat on the stool nearest to him, knowing fully well he wouldn't make it to their– his couch in the living room in time.

He could only bring himself to stare at the note, his mind calm for once, having no racing thoughts going through it a mile a minute like it had been for the last few weeks…

_Dear Magnus, _

_Please, Please talk to Alec. Just once more, I don't know what to do…_

_I don't think I can bear seeing any more iratzes around his heart anymore. _

_There're so many…He doesn't know what he's doing._

_Sincerely & Hopefully still your friend,_

_Isabelle Lightwood._

He was finding it difficult to breathe; it really shouldn't hurt this much, he was the one to end things in the first place.

Then again, life just loved to rub it in his face that there wasn't and would never be an on-and-off switch to this kind of emotional pain, and if there were it was someone far from his reach in his subconscious.

Lilith only knew where…

He just had to go and fall in love with one of the Nephilim. That's right fall in love. Of all of the stupid things he's done in all of his centuries on this planet this one thing– it was, he couldn't even say it.

I had been 3 months since he'd last see his– Magnus forcefully shuck his head at that.

_He_ wasn't his anymore.

Since he'd last seen Alexander, he knew the boy still called, maybe around 3 times a week which is saying something considering the first month he called around fifty times a day. Magnus never answered though, always letting it go to voicemail every time he saw his name flash on his screen.

His phone number was the last thing he had left of Alec and it wasn't even something tangible, he couldn't make himself erase it no matter how hard he tried on numerous occasions.

He had made sure to take everything, not a single thing was left behind. How he regretted not haven hidden one of his ratty washed out t-shirts or sweaters. Something tangible.

His scent, something purely Alexander that no perfume or lotion could imitate had long left his bed sheets and he missed it.

He missed his blue eyed shadowhunter that stole hi hear and whom, unknowingly so, still hadn't returned it. But he just– Magnus begrudgingly couldn't fathom the thought of being with someone who had pondered the idea Alec had.

To take Camilles offer! TO strip him of his immortality!

Pulsing anger coursed through Magnus's veins at recalling the letter he had received from Camille earlier that day.

The day he– taking a shaky breathe he opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them to see nothing but ashes on top of the bar.

He had incinerated the note. Incinerated it.

No! NO! He couldn't have done that! Picking up the ashes he tried to revert the note to its original form.

It wasn't working and it wouldn't… Even his magic couldn't defy one of the basic principals of matter or the physical/chemical properties of elements or whatever the mundanes called it. Yet gravity was a whole other subject…

For the love of Lilith, he hasn't lost control over his magic since his one-hundredth birthday! Magnus criticized himself.

It had been the first contact he'd had with Isabelle since she'd stormed into his apartment demanding why Alec wouldn't leave his bedroom for over two weeks now.

That was over two months and a half ago…

Sure the contact wasn't any good news, but it was that; contact.

Getting up from his seat Magnus took the bottle of vodka out form his fridge and served him self a shot.

Downing it in one go he felt it slide down his throat, the burning sensation practically nonexistent to the one in his chest.

Leaning back on the fridge, its cool surface against his bareback caused him to shiver slightly, he felt his bottom lip begin to quiver.

He would not cry! Not AGAIN.

His body in that instant chose to not obey him once again as his sobs broke free from his chest, bubbling from his lips. Sinking to the ground he threw the shot glass at the wall in front of him with all his force.

It shattered, causing shreds of glass to go everywhere; the sound resonated throughout the apartment, resembling that of his own heart that night in the abandoned subway tunnel.

Vodka bottle still in hand he tipped it up and swallowed gulp after gulp savouring the burning sensation that coursed through him. He'd give anything for this sensation to replace the ache in his chest.

The ache that manifested the longing for the one thing that was missing from his life.

His Alec.

No matter how much he reminded himself that the boy wasn't his any longer, his heart denied it and insisted on the opposite. Being without him was starting to feel like he was missing a limb. At times it felt like it was there but when you turned to see if it actually was, in its space there is absolutely nothing.

Glancing at the clock magnus noticed it was only 9 am.

9 in the morning and he was already trying to get pissed drunk. (Not that it would work) Definitely a new low for him, but he couldn't make himself care. He wanted the pain gone–flushed out of his system for good this time.

But he wasn't entirely sure if wanted only his own pain gone? No.

No. He wanted Alec to stop hurting as well – After his betrayal he shouldn't want that but he did.

But that's the thing Alexander, sweet Alexander betrayed him, betrayed his trust. Doesn't he deserve this pain! Shouldn't I be relishing in it?

Frustration settled in the pit of his stomach, he drank some more, straight out of the bottle. Magnus scrunched up his face at the taste, this early in the morning it tasted down right foul but the burning sensation was what he needed.

What he craved.

Sitting there on his linoleum floor kitchen floor he recalled Alec telling him about when they; Jace, Izzy and him had met Clary and Simon and had begun helping her search for her mother, that he had said to Jace, a.k.a Goldielocks, that the runes to fix a broken heart were the most painful. At the time Magnus recalled that he had smiled lightly at the comment and shook his head, thinking it a witty comment of sorts. He'd never actually thought that Alec was being honest. He'd never heard of such an Iratze.

Magnus heard himself chuckle darkly as the memories flashed through his mind.

So many memories made in so little time and now they were just that, memories. Memories that did nothing but torment him and make him drink his sorrows away. (Although at first he tried to eat them away)

He found drinking much more effective.

Groaning Magnus couldn't help but loathe himself in this instant, he was no better than the protagonist of every sappy rom-com he had made Alec sit through.

Looking at the bottle in his hand, he came to the startling realisation that he'd finished the whole thing.

What a pity he'd just bought that yesterday night. He'd have to go out for more, snapping his fingers for things felt horrible now. Alec always admonished him for it.

He knew he was being pathetic, bit what more could he possibly do? The pain wasn't going away any time soon, especially if notes like those keep appearing on the counter top of his bar.

Isabelle wasn't one to beg, not once in the few months since he'd come in contact with the hard-headed shadowhunter and her siblings had he seen her beg. For her to be doing this now…

Magnus shook his head. He'd told Alec he wouldn't play his siblings pet any more, to be used for whatever reason and not just that, but without charging them in the first place.

These thoughts were doing nothing to improve his mood, not in the slightest. Pushing himself off the kitchen floor he dumped the bottle in the trash, hearing it clang with the numerous others inside– how many, he wasn't positively sure, he'd lost count after a few days.

Once he got back to his bedroom he crawled into his bed, shortly joined by chairman meow, which cuddled next to him, relishing in his owners warmth. Even though said owner felt nothing of warmth, just cold emptiness.

Magnus stared solemnly at his white bare ceiling; he hadn't had the strength or want to do any decorating or remodelling for the past few months. It wasn't like there would be anyone to see it other than him and chairman.

He hadn't even had a single client in the past three months, and it wasn't for their lack of trying. He just wanted to wallow, for how long, he wasn't sure.

Closing his eyes he tried to recall the time Alec almost died of embarrassment due to the fact that during one of their oh so numerous make out sessions he had made the startling realization that he could see **everything** they were doing, and how? Well at the time he recalled having transfigured the ceiling of their bedroom into one large mirror.

He had never seen Alexander turn so red; he looked absolutely adorable even though he was completely outraged yet still turned on, making him turn even redder…

The images flashed through his mind. He took a quick intake of breath the chains around his frail heart tightening even more causing him to sit up, causing chairman to stir and walk out, obviously upset that his nap had been disturbed.

Magnus was beginning to think himself a masochist/sadist. He was purposefully remembering everything and hoping for what? To feel no melancholic and nostalgic throb in his chest, no punch to his gut, no weight on his chest that showed how much he was hurting, aching because of one person.

Was it normal to feel this way? Of all the relationships that he remembered having and trust there were many; why was this one affecting him the most.

Sure it had been one of the longest and the sweetest and most outstanding relationship where he felt he could be himself and be loved completely and irrevocably for it.

Who was he kidding? It couldn't be **anymore** normal. He couldn't fool himself to think it wasn't, he'd forget he'd tried to do that a month back, making the foolish decision to try to sleep with a young werewolf with blue eyes, in hopes of forgetting about *him^

It didn't work; all it did was make him feel cheap, and that was something he hadn't made felt in over a century.

This single relationship was doomed to fail from the start; the basic fact that **he** is mortal should have been more than enough clues to that. Wasn't it?

Magnus pondered incessantly. Could it be possible that Alexander was hurting just as much as him, if not more?

The mere thought drove a sharp knife through his heart. He unconsciously rubbed at his chest. He was beginning to think that this… Feeling this way was far beyond anything he would wish upon his worst enemy.

He wrapped his arms tightly around his knees, trying to make himself as small as possible.

Was there anything he could do?

He wasn't ready to just **forgive** said shadowhunter, he wasn't even sure he could bare talking to him without imploding from anger, frustration, self-hatred, sorrow…

LILITH! The list of emotions was endless.

The Iratzes couldn't be that bad, could they? Isabelle was probably just sad and feeling pity for her brother, that's all.

Iratzes are made to help shadowhunters– so maybe there helping him, at least he had that, right? No iratzes that I know of would hurt them, would they…

Shaking his head at the absurd noticion Magnus returned to his wallowing. At least Alexander had that, he had nothing, just copious amounts of alcohol to get the job done and then again if they weren't infused with demon energies they barely even gave him a buzz.

Half-demon problems. Sheesh.

_Just once more, I don't know what to do…_

That single line was nagging at him too much for his liking, this wasn't like Izzy…

"AGH! This isn't right! **He** betrayed **me**, my trust. Not the other way around for Lilith's sake! **He** broke my heart. I love him! So why am **I **the one hurting so much?"

Magnus called out to his apartment, knowing no one would answer his questions.

Yes, he admitted it to himself. He loves Alexander, in the present tense and he hadn't a clue how long he would love him.

Still its not like this would change anything; betrayal is just that, betrayal.

He couldn't stay inside any longer, he'd been cooped up inside long enough, he needed to go out, talk to people, start accepting the numerous clients that showed up at his doorstep at all hours of the day and night.

On impulse he suddenly snatched up his cell phone from his night stand and messaged the one person that would know how to spend a good time with him, without analyzing and weighing out the consequences.

**Ragnor Fell**: You & I. Clubbing tonight. You choose where & No. No is not a valid answer to this invitation.

Staring at his phone he regretted his actions immediately. Sure he didn't want to be a hermit, stuck in his apartment day in and day out only leaving to buy more liquor, but at the same time he didn't feel like going out to a club to possibly be hit on by complete strangers and feel just as cheap as when he went with the werewolf boy a few months back.

The only person he wanted to be hit on by was the one that he broke up with in the first place.

**Ragnor Fell**: Fine, but you're buying.

Magnus sighed.

It's too late to take back the invitation, Magnus thought ruefully. Deciding to sleep for a while longer before getting ready he laid back down just as his phone began to ring.

IZZY CALLING…

Shined bright on his screen. Rolling his eyes in annoyance he pressed the big red X on the screen and shoved the phone under his pillow.

Sleep was all he wanted to do now a days, yet all he could manage was either 4 or 5 hours tops every night before the nightmares or vision kicked in. If he were honest with himself he would acknowledge that they hadn't been there when he had Alec sleeping next to him almost every night. But if he could barely even acknowledge that he loved the shadowhunter with everything he had how could possibly acknowledge that something that had plagued his sleep for decades had suddenly been cured and with the help of a boy no less.

He couldn't.

Feeling his consciousness slip away towards sleep Magnus couldn't help but think to himself,

He missed his Alexander, even though he wasn't his anymore.

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WELP! Just to clear up some things for ya:

-Ragnor for all intensive purposes is ALIVE & WELL in this story.

-Magnus loves Alec yet feels anger towards him for what he did.

- Next chapter we get to see how my baby Alec is doing.

Hope you guys enjoy this. Surprisingly so I already have a few chapters written out (A first for me, I usually just wing it) and the plot is… I hate to admit I've worked on this much more than I should've…

Read& Review : )


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

This story isn't getting the love it deserves, so not fair! Nonetheless here's the next chapter.

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"_Heaven is a place on Earth with you." –Lana Del Rey _

The smell of seared flesh filled the small room, overwhelming his senses. It made his stomach lurch uncomfortably in his abdomen. His grip on the stele tightened; sure, it was normal for the smell of burnt flesh to accompany the process of applying a new rune, seeing as it was one having to basically mar ones skin with something close to fire.

Nonetheless as of a few months back he had been using a new rune– a new iratze that along with a painful application process came a horrible over powering stench of third degree burnt human flesh.

This rune hadn't been used in a while; it technically wasn't even legal. shadowhunters had stopped using it around the 16th century. Then again, for Alec, desperate times called for desperate measure.

It hurt horribly almost as if someone had placed a piece of burning coal and left it there for hours leaving behind a third degree burn from the pits of hell. The pain kind of resembled that of having demon venom coursing through your veins.

Alec shuddered as his memory caused his body to recall that awful sensation.

Hissing through his teeth, Alec clenched his jaw tightly hoping that the pain would pass quickly. Thankfully he only had to re draw the rune once a week, long lasting was part of the description of the traits that the rune had along with a few others described in an old tome he had found collecting dust in the library, why it was in an old shelf full of decaying books he couldn't explain and at the time he could care less, he'd spent a good three days searching for said rune in the first place.

The heartache rune.

A rune made to alleviate, not entirely mind you, the mind numbing emotional and physical manifestation of having ones heart ripped to shreds, metaphorically of course, by that one special person whom you entrusted it to in the first place.

Unfortunately it was one of the types of runes that had to be drawn fresh in a new place each time. So far he'd drawn it a total of six times, meaning that every week for the last six he'd purposely put himself through this five minute hell session.

Alec sighed regretfully; the tightness in his chest began to become slightly loosen. Glancing at the clock on his nightstand he realized that it was already 11 and that in half an hour he would have to show up for morning training with Jace. He'd purposely ignored going for the last month…

Jace was probably about to have a coronary… Huffing lightly Alec blew lightly on the new rune close to his heart before putting his faded black shirt on and reached for his gear.

Exiting his room he made his way toward the kitchen in hopes of finding something edible and untouched by his sisters cooking.

He could do for a few more months without having to suffer through food poisoning. Ask him to face any demon he would do it willingly, but ask him to take in just one spoonful of any of Izzy's cooking and you'd see him running for the hills.

Finally reaching the kitchen he caught sight of said sister putting away some paper and a pen into a drawer. Her back was rigid, tension evident in between her shoulder blades and a slight grimace marred her pretty face.

It was definitely too early to be scowling, for her anyway.

"You're scowling; why?" Alec called out causing Izzy to jump in surprise. Turning to fully face her brother she instantly smiled, but that wouldn't fool Alec, for one thing it didn't reach her eyes, she was faking it.

"Good morning to you too Alec. Wonderful morning isn't it?"

Ah, her avoidance tactics have come into play, all right then. Slightly miffed at not getting an answer, Alec simply raised an eyebrow at her before making his way to the fridge in search for some milk.

Cereal was simple enough to make.

"Well fine, be a grinch then." Izzy said petulantly.

Seeing as he had his back to her, he couldn't see her crossing her arms over he chest, but he imagined she was, exactly the same way she did when she was six years old and things weren't going her way; always the stubborn child.

Turning away from the counter where he was now searching for a bowl and spoon, he looked over to where Izzy sat, at one of the stools placed by the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Yup, she was definitely crossing her arms, a small pout evident on her lips.

Some things just never change; Alec couldn't help but think ruefully.

"I'm a what?" I leaned back against the counter.

A grinch? Really?

"A grinch, someone that's always upset and tries to ruin the fun for everyone."

Raising both eyebrows Alec starred incredulously at his sister.

"This is Simon's fault isn't it? What movie was it this time?"

If it were the one he was thinking than things would make a bit of sense.

Blushing slightly Izzy smiled shyly at her brother.

"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." She whispered.

Of course it was, Alec thought to himself. Snorting he rolled his eyes, his sister no matter how tough she made herself out to be was still an impressionable little girl.

He recalled having been made to watch the same movie a few months ago– almost a year ago when the weather had been colder and when he'd had a boyf–

Shaking away that train of though, Alec continued to search for the cereal box in the cupboards above the counter. It had been bought just two days ago; it seriously couldn't have been eaten all, already.

His sister spoke up again, "It was a ridiculous movie, but it does go to show that you mister are the grinch."

"I am not the grinch Izzy. We don't even celebrate Christmas."

Izzy huffed. "That's not what I mean! You're the grinch for the simple reason that you're always grouchy, scowling and constantly upset at the world. You've literally only left your room three times this week."

Izzy stared at her brother's back, seeing it tense slightly. She knew she shouldn't be spying on him, but if she didn't make sure he was ok than no one else would.

Alec scowled at his bowl; it wasn't really shocking that she was spying on him. Everyone was still on edge since… They'd simply been keeping a close eye on him, even though he was better, sort of.

Focusing back on his search for the missing cereal box he pushed his thoughts away.

"I was busy." Alec said lightly, hoping his voice wasn't actually as high pitched as it sounded to his ears, the way it tended to sound when he was trying to lie.

"Busy." Izzy countered.

"Yes Izzy, busy."

"In your room."

"Yes." Alec smiled triumphantly; he'd found the cereal box.

"Doing what?" Izzy asked curiosity and something close to worry evident in her voice.

"Stuff." Alec replied. Having finally served himself his breakfast he sat across from his sister.

The only noise now present in the kitchen was of Alec's chewing and both his and Izzy's breathing.

The tension and awkwardness was starting to begin to feel palpable.

"So… How's Simon?" Alec intrigued.

It had been a while since he'd last seen the daylighter, he realized with that, that Izzy did have a point in calling him out on the fact that he barely left his bedroom now a days.

"He's fine, slowly still working on getting his body to accept being awake and functioning during the day, you know, like a regular mundane."  
>Izzy shrugged lightly a smile evident on her lips.<p>

It refreshing seeing his sister in love, because that's what she was… No matter how many times she's tried to deny it.

Alec simply nodded his head in acknowledgement; he continued to chew his cereal.

"Alec?" Izzy said quietly.

"Yes Izzy." Alec replied; swallowing his cereal as he spooned in some more into his mouth. Enjoying the way it crunched loudly.

"Are you, you know… Ok? I know"– Alec cut her off

"Izzy I'm"– apparently she wasn't having that happen again, just like last time where he said something and stalked out of the room.

"Alexander, don't you tell me that you're fine, because I know you aren't! I know you told us to butt out and to stop 'suffocating' you but I – I'm worried about you. Can't I worry? You're my brother and I love you and I know you told us you don't want us to– All you've done so far is lock yourself away!"

Her throat was tight; tears were on the verge of spilling out. Her voice was laced with worry.

Looking at his sister, her eyes watery and full of worry, he now found it difficult to swallow the cereal he had in his mouth, it no longer tasted crunchy and flavourful, just stale and bland.

He stared down at his bowl and back at his sister once again, this– he didn't want her to worry and stress over him, that was his job not hers. Mentally shaking his head he pushed the bowl away and leaned forward, crossing his arms on top of the island.

"I – Izzy, I wasn't going to say 'I'm fine', because you and I both know that I'm not. Sure I'm not as I was before all happy and fucking rainbows, but I'm doing what most people do in these situations, I'm coping. Yes I still think about him, yes it hurts, but in some way I deserve it"–

Izzy groaned. "No you don't Alexander! I wish you would stop telling yourself that, under no circumstances do you deserve anything that pompous ass threw at you. It was a mistake, a misunderstanding, it could happen to anyone. You– You guys could have worked it out."

This was killing her, seeing her brother like this, so broken and so relaxed, well not relaxed, but so not himself really. He was cursing more and starting to act all nonchalant about the whole situation. This wasn't like him, not at all. She didn't know what to do to try and make him see that this wasn't his entire fault; it was _**his **_fault as well. He didn't want to work things out and her brother did.

She wanted to make her brother stop hurting? But it wasn't like she could make him forget about him– about Magnus? Or even tell him to try moving on?

"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened Alec. You just have to."

Izzy stared hard at her big brother, the one that was the strongest, the one with the biggest heart, who cared and worried for everyone's safety and well being but forgetting his own. It was hard to see him waste away before her eyes. He tried to hide it but she knew better, he wasn't better than he was 3 months ago. Sure he didn't call as much, sure she didn't hear his crying or startled gasps at night from nightmares or bouts of – She knew he wasn't better, he wasn't coping or dealing.

His eyes no longer shined, as girly as that sounded; they didn't. They were dim, dead as if there existed nothing anymore in the world that could make him feel happy again.

And the worst thing is she knew. She knew about the rune he'd started using, the smell is stronger than he thinks. Fear coiled itself in her stomach at the thought of never seeing her brother be happy again, especially if he kept using that god forsaken iratze. She'd been working up the guts to confront him about it, maybe once she did he'd stop using it.

She doubts it, once he set his mind to something few people could change his mind. She knew of only one and well, **he** wasn't an option, not really; even though she sent him a note a few hours prior.

The bastard hadn't answered, she knew he wouldn't but she _hoped _he would. She needed to stop doing that when it came to the warlock.

Alec starred at his sister, his expression giving nothing away.

"Ok, for arguments sake lets say I don't deserve anything of what you so call 'threw at me' and that sure, _maybe_, we could have worked things out. Still there would be that constant elephant in the room." Alec took a deep breath; it had been a while since he'd talked for so long and especially since he'd talked about Magnus.

"He's immortal Izzy, I'm not, and things just wouldn't have worked themselves out, he doesn't want them to, I called and called, he didn't answer Izzy; he still doesn't. He doesn't– didn't want to tell me anything about his past, he wouldn't confide in me about anything and if he cant do that, well what's a relationship without trust. Remember? You're the one that taught me that."

Alec tried to reason, even though everything he was saying was complete and utter bullshit. But his little sister didn't have to know that.

He could care less that Magnus was immortal, any minute, hour and day he could get with the warlock would be enough for him. It was his fault that he was such a mess in the first place, he never should have talked to Camille. He let his jealousy and paranoia get the best of him, and he was now paying for it.

And if he were ever to see Magnus again, any time soon, he wasn't too apposed to getting down on his knees and beginning the man to take him back. He was that much of a love struck idiot.

A couple of seconds had passed in silence, all Izzy could do is process what Alec had just said, all the while she hugged her abdomen tightly finding comfort in the pressure she was applying.

Alec stared at his now soggy cereal and debated whether to finish it, throw it out or leave it or church to finish off.

Izzy sighed, interrupting his train of thought.

"Alec– I know, I know about the runes, the heartache one." Izzy whispered. She looked at him then, awaiting his reaction, his eyes hardened slightly, turning his baby blue irises into the shade of arctic ice, cold withdrawn and harsh.

"You– You do know what the long term consequences' are? Right Alec?" She tried again, he still showed no sign of curiosity or worry. Izzy hugged herself tighter.

"Who else knows?" Alec said his voice sounding detached and barely above a whisper.

Startled by him asking that of all things, Izzy furrowed her brow and replied.

"Just– just me, I guess. I mean Jace doesn't"–

"Alright. Let's keep it that way." Alec cut her off. She blinked in a rapid succession, trying to grasp what he'd just said. She wasn't about to tell him that she'd told Magnus of all people. He'd never forgive her for doing that.

He pushed his seat back and grabbed his bowl and went to pour its contents down the sink. Once his back was turned, he grimaced at the mess in the sink.

He turned on the faucet, seeing it all wash down the drain.

He'd thought he'd been careful, cautious about the whole rune thing. Apparently not enough, thankfully she hadn't told anyone… It would be something a bit hard to explain or for anyone to really understand…

It was known that the heartache rune was one of those runes that were established as something to risky to use more than once, and even to use it once was a risk enough.

It wasn't illegal to use, he wasn't going against clave rules or anything, it was only that due to the risk factors that came along with the rune it was known to never resort to its use.

What it did wasn't natural; it rid you of emotions for a while and eased the physical and emotional pain, if only for a while, it wasn't studied that much. Then again it was the 16th century. It had adverse side effects; some other runes had them but the special case with the heartache one is that they differ from person to person.

Some get headaches or nauseated, while for others it can drive them off the deep end, suicide, anything really.

It kind of, could be described as; the anti depressants that were prescribed by mundane doctors… but the real problem was that, well, two things are always consistent with any shadowhunter that uses it.

It hurts like hell every time it's applied, which has to be in a different place every time due to the third degree burns that leave the flesh scarred horribly.

And… the longer the use of it, the more dependent on it the shadow hunter would become.

How long it took for one to become dependent, well, the studies never got that far.

Alec gripped the sink tightly his skin whitening at his knuckles; he desperately hoped it wouldn't get to that point. He had dared last week to not apply it and he had started to sweat, clam up really…

Five weeks… Could that be how long it took?

Mentally shaking his head Alec derailed that train of thought and turned to his sister a small smile on his lips.

"Izzy don't tell anyone. I'm fine, it's fine. It isn't that bad, it does its job and with it I'm coping, alright."

"But Alec"–

"No Izzy, you'd think I'd use it if I didn't know the consequences'?"

Izzy blushed; she shook her head in response. She bit her tongue not wanting to lash out at her brother.

"Well then, take my word on the fact that I know what I'm getting myself into, alright?"

They stared at each other, Izzy looked at her brother worry clear in her eyes while Alec silently begged with his for his sister to understand and let him deal with this on his own.

Resigned Izzy sighed, "Alright."

Alec smiled at his sister, a real one this time. Going over to her he hugged her tight. She hugged him back even tighter. Feeling a certain warmth radiate through his shirt, specifically where his heart is, she felt her eyes water.

By the angel she hoped he knew what he was doing, she couldn't lose him. Not him as well, not after Max. He wouldn't do that to them, he couldn't.

Alec let go first, placed a kiss on his sister's forehead and exited the kitchen quickly, his gear in hand. Making his way to the training room where Jace was no doubt waiting for him he pushed away the nagging voice in his head telling him that he was already becoming dependent on the goddamn thing and that in the long run this would hurt more people than he could take account for.

There was no truth in that nagging voice in his head, none at all.

()()()()()()()

Izzy stared at her brothers retreating back, blinking back the tears. She wasn't one for prayer, not really but in that instant she begged the angels, god even, to not let anything happen to Alec if he kept using that iratze and that hopefully Magnus would come to his reason.

Because if anyone could help Alec it would be him and as much as she hated to acknowledge Magnus would be the only one to talk some sense into him.

She waited for two hours for him to fire message back… It didn't come. Groaning she ran her hands through her hair.

This was getting to be too much. Glancing at the clock she realized that Simon would be over in an hour. Deciding that she couldn't keep quite about this, she planned out how to tell Simon. Maybe he could help her think of a solution.

Yeah that might be it, Isabelle thought to herself. Exiting the kitchen she went to her room to get ready for when her boyfriend came over. It definitely wasn't going to be a light afternoon of mundane things; she needed his help.

()()()()()()()

"Jace you in here?" Alec called out into the training room, not catching sight of the blond head that belonged to his parabatai.

"Up in the beams Alec." Jace called down.

Looking up Alec caught sight of his parabatai balancing on a beam with enough ease to make just about anyone jealous.

Jace leapt off the beam, swiftly landing gracefully in a crouched position a few feet in front of his brother.

"So, decided to leave the cave for a few hours huh?" Jace quipped playfully.

Alec snorted. "You're not funny Jace."

"Oh please on the contrary I'm down right hilarious, if I do say so myself." Jace ran his hand through his blonde hair mockingly.

Raising his eyebrows Alec simply placed his gear down; he unsheathed his blade and took a fighting stance, christening it as he did so.

Jace did the same not a second after. They began to circle each other, searching for a weak spot to strike at.

"Just because your girlfriend thinks so, doesn't mean everyone does Jace."

Alec smirked lightly, so far so good.

"Oh come on, I bet the daylighter finds me amusing." Jace striked quickly, Alec blocked it with ease.

"Sure he does, when he's taunting you maybe." A slight note of mirth could be heard in Alec's voice. Jace couldn't help but feel a spark of happiness ignite itself in him for his brother.

Maybe he was getting better, so far he hadn't intervened, thinking it best for his parabatai to deal with things on his own.

Jace rolled his eyes as Alec tried to knock him down, resulting in him just stumbling a bit.

For not having trained in a month Alec still seemed up to par with his majestic self.

"Fine think what you will, brother dearest. I'm still going to beat you."

Alec chuckled, "Give me your best shot then."

This is good; this is normal. The heartache is still there but if I can keep it to myself so that it doesn't affect others that's all that matters. Alec couldn't help but think to himself.

Nothing more mattered, he'd deal with the other stuff some how. As of right now it wasn't a priority.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

See! It took me only one week to update & for the wait I give a total of 3,775 words! (We aim to please) If you know where that is from, don't judge me.

I'll publish a new chapter on Monday or Tuesday hopefully.

Hope you guys enjoyed it, the plot is starting to reveal itself, but don't worry there're more surprises to come ;)

Tootle-loo

MalecIsEverything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note**

**Here's the new chapter, as promised, given to you guys incredibly late... Hope you guys enjoy it! Hope everyone has had a good week so far; mine has been dull, to say the least.**

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"_**Theirs is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment." –Sarah Dessen**_

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"Enough, enough– I surrender! By the angel Alec, you haven't trained all month how have I not pinned you down yet?"

Jace gasped out, his lungs gulping in air greedily, his hands placed on his knees, hair hanging in front of his face. They had been going at for the last four hours.

Not a single break or surrender up until now. Jace pouted slightly, he wasn't one to usually be beat so easily. He felt beads of sweat trail down his neck and arms; it covered his whole body.

"I had breakfast." Alec quipped, he felt his lungs burn and beg for more air. Lying on the mat he felt his shirt stick to his sweat drenched body. The adrenaline still coursed through his veins causing his body to hum pleasantly. He hadn't realized how much he actually missed training, especially with Jace. Sure there was Izzy and sometimes Clary but it wasn't the same.

For one thing, Jace was his parabatai. Jace knew him better than he knew himself. Alec rolled his eyes at the cliché thought.

"Oh really? What was it 5 energy drinks? You know that shits toxic right?" Jace called out teasingly, making his way towards the mini fridge next to the entrance of the training room in hopes of finding bottles of water.

Alec laughed, it echoed throughout the room. He tensed slightly at the sound, he wasn't used to laughing anymore, it sounded strange to his ears. The laughter coming from his mouth, if it weren't for the vibrations in his chest, couldn't possibly be his.

It sounded too full of mirth, too care free.

A feeling of melancholy and nostalgia coiled in his stomach.

He pushed his sweat-matted hair away from his face; he was in desperate need of a haircut.

"Heads up!"

Turning his head slightly Alec caught sight of the water bottle headed his way. Catching it with ease he sat up and drank every drop.

Sighing with pleasure he placed the bottle in his lap just as Jace sat in front of him, sipping his drink slowly.

"Thirsty much?" Jace joked.

Alec replied, "Very and to answer your earlier question– I had cereal, no energy drinks and yes they are very bad for you– well for mundanes anyways I suppose."

He shrugged. He'd never had one, although he'd seen Magnus drink plenty of them whenever coffee didn't do the job of keeping him awake enough to finish up something for a client.

He felt a small needle prick his heart.

_Recalling memories isn't going to help you get over him_, Alec thought mournfully to himself.

"Fine then, it was pent up energy. Under no other circumstances would I have had to surrender." Jace huffed indignantly.

Alec scoffed, "Hurt you ego did I?"

"No." Jace mumbled as he finished off his water.

Having both finished their water they sat quietly on the mat, in the middle of the training room. Each one seemingly lost in thought.

Realizing that his thoughts were all centred on a certain warlock, Alec shook his head and stared at Jace.

His expression blank, his gaze clouded with whatever plagued his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Alec said lightly.

Blinkingly Jace turned to stare at his brother, a small frown marred his pretty face.

"It's nothing really."

"Oh please, every nothing is a something. Spill it." Alec pressed.

Rolling his eyes Jace said, " It just that things are so– normal."

Alec raised an eyebrow at his parabatai, an incredulous expression evident on his face.

"Normal."

Jace nodded, "Yes, normal, I mean that's not normal? Things being normal, practically calm, even."

"Well I'm not too sure about your definition of normal, but I don't really see a problem with things being 'calm'." Alec said, confusion evident in his reply.

"It's not a problem per say Alec, it's just that: not normal. There's barely been that much demon activity, the patrols have been smooth and well now there's no one trying to kills us on a daily basis."

Jace tore lightly at the label on the plastic bottle.

He had to agree with Jace on that front, low demon activity and calm patrols is definitely a first for all them. There was more truth behind the mundane saying that 'New York is the city that never sleeps' than even the mundanes were aware off.

But since there wasn't a suspicious activity to investigate they couldn't really hypothesise anything, no new take over's were being planned, as far as they new.

Alec grimaced; maybe Jace was just being paranoid.

"Maybe they decided to take a vacation, what do I know?" Alec quipped lightly not really buying his brothers paranoia.

Standing up from the floor he dusted off his pants he offered his hand up to Jace. Taking it Jace said,

"Seriously. Alec, last I checked this place is their vacation spot. They do have their own realms to live in."

Once they both were off the floor they made their way out of the training room and into the hallway. Jace stretched his arms over his head, feeling his muscles tighten up uncomfortably; he was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

Rolling his eyes Alec simply shrugged. Once in the hallway they saw Isabelle and Simon headed their way.

"Hey is everything all right?" Alec questioned seeing the worried yet stunned expression on his sister's face. "Do you have any plans tonight Jace?" Izzy questioned her other brother. Not registering Alec's question.

Alec raised his eyebrows at his sister. He looked over at Simon hoping the daylighter would have an answer as to why his sister was acting so strange.

Simon shrugged his shoulders lightly, offering Alec a small smile as if to say,

"I know as much as you do."

Alec shook his head, his sister could really be a pain to deal with at times.

"As far as I know, no. Why do you ask?" Jace replied, curiosity evident in his voice.

"Well that's about to change. Both you and Alec now have plans for tonight." She said seriously.

Startled Alec said loudly, "Whoa whoa plans? What type of plans?" He stared at his sister incredulously.

He hadn't left the institute in over three weeks, he hadn't really felt like going out. Especially with knowing that with his wonderful luck he'd somehow manage to run into Magnus. Angel only knows how catastrophic that would end.

Just the thought of having to stare into Magnus's eyes that know probably only showed hatred and disgust towards him caused the chains around his heart to tighten even more.

God I'm pathetic, Alec thought to himself.

Izzy caught her brother's grim expression; no doubt he was bad mouthing himself in his head. She was really starting to feel useless.

"Well it looks like we all have plans tonight. We've been invited to a party, by the fae no less. A cordial invitation actually."

Izzy handed the invitation over to Alec.

"Well fuck, can't say no to that now can we." Jace quipped in annoyance.

"Jace, be serious for once, will ya?" Izzy snapped back. She had enough to worry about she didn't need to deal with Jace's attitude as well.

Alec rolled his eyes at his bickering siblings, tuning them out as they continued to argue he read to himself the invitation in his hands. It was definitely from the fae, they were the only ones that sent out invitations on actual leaves.

_Dear Nephilim & daylighter, _

_You are all cordially invited to tonight's festivities, held at Midnight Blue in Soho at 9 pm tonight. We do hope to see you all in attendance and even though we are aware of your fondness for carrying weapons everywhere you go we ask that for tonight you make the exception._

_With High regards, _

_The Seelie Queen_

_Leader and keeper of the fae folk. _

"This doesn't sound good" Alec thought to himself, or so he thought.

"Last I checked anything that comes from that bitch isn't. Does she honestly expect us to go without weapons?"

"Now, now Jace, be nice." Simon supplied sarcastically. He was leaning against the wall stiffly. Alec couldn't help but notice that he looked quite uncomfortable– more than usual. He caught Simons eye and raised an eyebrow in warning. Now wasn't the time to get into a petty argument.

Looking to his right, he noticed that Jace was reading the invitation as well. When he'd stopped bickering with Izzy he hadn't a clue.

Alec felt uneasy at the Seelie queen's request, but knew that if they wanted to avoid any kind of grief from the fae, it was best if they followed through. He stared at Jace, Simon and lastly Izzy. They all looked as uneasy as he felt.

"Well even though Jace's early reply was said sarcastically, we kind of have go to this, especially if the invitation is coming straight from the queen."

Alec handed the invitation over to Jace. They all knew it was one thing to get an invitation from the fae, the invitation usually called for a confirmation of attendance but this one was directly from the she-bitch, attendance was mandatory.

"I get that Alec, but why would she also invite Simon?– No offense sweetie." Izzy asked puzzled.

Simon looked startled at the endearment; Alec couldn't deny he was as well.

"None taken."

Alec shrugged. "What do I know? But it's definitely out of the ordinary. She probably assumes that where ever we go he goes, I guess."

Simon grimaced at the implication of him being nothing more than a lost puppy that followed them around helplessly.

"Yeah, not likely. Does it not bug anyone that it's a party in a club of all places? You'd expect it to be in a park or even in their den but a club– in Soho?"

Jace said seriously. There was something weird to all this, what exactly he couldn't put his finger on it.

Alec ran his hands through his hair in annoyance. "Guess that's an end to things being normal around here." He mumbled to himself.

Izzy frowned at Alec, she didn't understand what his mumbling was about but his expression wasn't one that spelled out anything good. She noticed Jace also looked lost in thought.

Well at least she wasn't the only one that found this weird and sudden.

Izzy was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Jace exclaim dejectedly.

"Guess we're going to a party."

"Guess so." Alec replied coldly. He turned away from everyone and made his way towards the staircase at the end of the hallway, leaving everyone in stiff silence behind him.

He realized that if he was to be made to attend a party without his weapons and be surrounded by downworlders he was going to need the help of a stability rune or two.

Making his way to his room he decided that he would take a shower to get the sweat and grime off himself.

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Having stared at Alec's retreating form 'till they couldn't see it anymore they all stared at each other uncomfortably.

"Well that went well." Simon said lightly, breaking the silence. He pushed away from the wall; standing up right he made his way to stand next to Isabelle.

"It could have gone better." Izzy said seriously crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

"He hasn't left his room or even the building in over three weeks. He needs fresh air, it isn't healthy for him too stay locked inside."

"Right, cause he's going to find so much fresh air in a club at night surrounded by a bunch of people for who knows how long." Jace said sarcastically.

Izzy rolled her eyes, "Oh you know what I mean!"

Jace grimaced, "I don't Izzy, I haven't the slightest clue!"

He wasn't daft, he knew Alec wasn't leaving his room because he was still dealing with his break up and so far, he hadn't made head way in getting over it. He saw how badly his brother was hurting and if it weren't for the fact that he knew that his parabatai still loved the goddamn warlock he'd have punched the assholes lights out by now.

There wasn't anything he or Izzy could do to help because for two reasons, one; Alec wouldn't take their help and two; this was something he had to deal with on his own. It had taken him a few weeks to realize that himself, and even though he knew he couldn't do anything, he currently found himself in the same position as Isabelle; worried for Alec and the choices he was making.

He was closing himself off again, hiding away behind the imaginary wall that he was once again rebuilding around himself.

Jace clenched his fists, this was that entire bastards fault. He did this to Alec.

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath in as he pushed away the murderous thoughts from his mind and focused on the situation at hand.

"We're getting no where with this conversation. Healthy or not, it looks like we are ALL going to have to go to this 'party'. Angel only knows what will happen if we don't."

Izzy grimaced but nodded in agreement, offering no commentary on Jace's comment at the end.

Jace sighed, pulling his phone out of his back pocket he unlocked it and checked to see if he'd received any messages from Clary. He'd been hoping to spend some time alone with her, seeing as they now didn't have to worry about world takeovers or people wanting to kill them 24/7.

Guess that will have to wait a bit longer now, he thought ruefully to himself.

"I'll call Clary and tell her to come by in an hour so that we can all talk about how exactly we are going to go about doing this. We can't actually go without weapons."

Jace argued, frustration and annoyance clear in his expression. Walking around with weapons was like walking around naked, in other words, completely vulnerable.

"Yeah we have to plan something out. Simon and I will be in my room in the mean time, call us when she's here."

Jace grimaced, "Umm how about we meet in the weapons room in 3 hours its only 4, the party isn't 'till 9, we have time."

He smirked lightly as he walked away from them towards the elevator at the end of the hall. Once inside he called out to them, mirth evident in his voice,

"Do try to keep the noise down in your room Iz. Not everyone wants to hear you and the daylighter's 'lovemaking'."

The elevator doors closed, leaving him only to hear Isabelle's indignant gasp. Jace chuckled to himself, shaking his head lightly.

Egging on Isabelle was starting to get way to easy.

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"Well this get together was eventful!" Simon joked, Izzy glared at him half-heartedly.

"You can definitely say that again." Izzy replied, she pulled Simon towards her. Wrapping her arms around his neck she leaned forward and kissed him hard. Savouring the taste that was purely Simon. Simon gripped her waist tightly, pulling her closer to him as he kissed her back even harder, loving the way she ran her hands through his hair.

What felt like hours of pure bliss was actually just a few minutes; he pulled away from Isabelle realizing that unlike him she needed oxygen. Nonetheless that didn't stop him from gasping for air and breathing hard just like her.

"You're getting good at that." Isabelle quipped, smiling at her boyfriend dreamily. Yes she had come to terms that he was her boyfriend, it was still pretty new to both of them.

"Are you talking about the kissing or the fact that I am getting used to the fact that I no longer need to inhale oxygen to live?" Simon quipped lightly. Placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.

He hadn't realized he could be this mushy with a girl... It was startling at times.

Izzy pretended to think about it, "Definitely the kissing."

"Mhmm, must be because I have an excellent teacher." Simon replied.

Realising his hold on her he pushed some loose strands of her long hair behind her ear.

"So..." he said.

"So." Isabelle replied.

"You're right. Alec doesn't look any better than he did three weeks ago."

Isabelle small smile vanished and her shoulders dropped.

"I know Si, I know." She sighed.

"But what can I possibly do? He won't let either Jace or me help? And–and I already told you about the thing."

The thing? Simon thought to himself, if she could actually say what it was then he was only just starting to understand how grave, said thing, is.

Simon couldn't keep the grimace off his face, he still didn't know much about shadowhunters or downworlders, although it was considerably more than when he was a mundane but not enough to fully understand why Isabelle was so worried about Alec using the rune she had talked to him about.

Sure he caught the gist of it, but weren't those marks supposed to help them not hurt them? Then again he'd read enough fantasy literature– or was it factual now– to know that finding and using anything out an old leather bound book that'd hadn't been used in who knows how long couldn't possibly be good.

Just look at what happened to Ginny in the second Harry Potter book...

Well that comparison for a fact will definitely not make Isabelle worry any less, Simon thought to himself. Shaking his head mentally to clear away the pointless thoughts he stared at Izzy, he could see the worry she held for her brother clear on her face.

He'd started to realize that if one looked hard enough you could see everything she'd be feeling clear her face, stuff her eyes hid away and that she didn't voice out loud to anyone.

He hated seeing her like this. He placed a light kiss on her forehead, hugging her to him lightly, he still couldn't calculate his vampire strength it was better to be safe than sorry.

"I'm not sure there's anything you can do Iz. I know that you said that what he's doing is something serious and possibly dangerous. I get that, believe me I do, but, maybe you should trust his judgement. I mean its Alec, out of all of us he's the most responsible."

Izzy hugged Simon tightly she knew he had a point. Nonetheless she couldn't help but have this uneasy feeling festering in her gut.

She'd already lost Max, she wasn't sure she could deal with losing Alec as well. Everyone had a breaking point; she was starting to realize that if anything happened to– That was her breaking point. She's positive it is.

"I– I guess you're right." She said quietly into his chest. It still amazed her a bit to be this close to Simon and not hear a heart beat resonating in his chest.

It'd only bee a few months ago that he was a normal mundane, beating heart and all and well, now he was a vampire– a daylighter no less.

She wasn't sure how he had been dealing with all this. What about his mother? His sister, Clary had mentioned that he has one... She'd been meaning to ask him, but she just couldn't. It scared her a bit how much she was starting to care for him.

Her thoughts were interrupted by his question directed at her.

"What?" She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up at him, since she was bare foot she was considerably shorter than him at the moment.

Chuckling Simon rolled his eyes at Isabelle.

"I said, how about we go to your room so that you can start getting ready for tonight. Go–Who knows how long that'll take?" he quipped jokingly. His expression showed slight pain.

She frowned, she'd forgotten he couldn't say 'god'. She'd fallen for a Jewish mundane turned vampire... By the angel... Shaking her head lightly she pushed away those miscellaneous thoughts and simply smiled at her boyfriend.

He smiled down at her lightly. In an instant flat her smile turned to a smirk,

"Sound like a plan but first, you and I have some catching up to do mister." She said mischief evident in her tone of voice.

Simon froze up slightly at the hidden innuendo he'd heard in her statement. Taking his hand in hers she giggled lightly and pulled him down the hall towards her bedroom.

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**Alright, you all have the right to hate me for taking so long to update, but I seriously had a bad case of writers block, thankfully that's over and done with. I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter, I feel like they are all kind of stiff and awkward, I know there isn't much MALEC here but I really wanted to give you guys some perspective on how everyone is dealing with Alec being so not alec-like and plus sizzy is awesome stuff to write. **

**Next chapter, we get to the party and oh and behold there will be plenty of surprises in store for our favourite characters.**

'**Till Next Time! (words total here:3516) **

**MalecIsEverything.**


	4. Chapter 4

AN:

New chapter here for all of you! Enjoy.

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"_You never needed me, it was I that needed you" –Unknown_

The water stung his chest. Turning the dials he shut off the hot water, simply letting the cold water continue to wash over him.

Running his hands through his drenched hair he sighed loudly He didn't want to go out– not in the slightest. He knows he's not ready for it: the possibility of running into Magnus.

He couldn't help wondering if the warlock would be there as well; If the fae had also invited him, along with other downworlders? Knowing the Seelie Queen she probably did, she probably already knew of their break up.

Jace was right, she can be a real bitch when she wants to be.

_Just admit it, you miss him. _

"No I don't. I'm getting over him." Alec said out loud, now a days it was the only way to quiet down the voice in his head.

_Keep telling yourself that, someday you might actually believe it. _

Alec groaned, it looked like it wasn't working this time. It had started up a few weeks ago, first only in his dreams and now it was there every waking moment. It was beginning to worry him, then again, the voice could just be his conscious being an obnoxious asshole reminding him of how idiotic and pathetic he is.

Alec felt like smacking himself up side the head. His inner dialogue was really going to be the death of him of not the demons.

Although this could also be a side effect of the rune…

_No shit, genius. _

Ignoring its response, Alec shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. Drying himself he made his way to the sink. Once having wrapped the towel around his waist he made to remove the fog that covered the mirror.

If he'd been staring closer at his reflection he would have seen the color drain away from his face at what he now notices on his chest.

The rune had faded.

Burnt out completely scarred over, just like the others by it.

Alec began to feel himself panic, this didn't make sense he'd just applied it earlier this morning. He recalled the burning sensation and the smell of seared skin.

The others had lasted a full week– each…

The sense of panic coiled tightly in his stomach.

Counting back the hours he realized that this one had only lasted a total of five hours.

Five hours, that was nothing! Long lasting, that's what the book had said. Alec pushed away his wet hair from his face.

Maybe I drew it wrong, didn't use enough force when applying it. Did I miss a part of the rune? Alec's mind filled with questions and possibilities.

Leaning closer to the mirror Alec inspected the rune in his reflection. It looked just the same as the other ones around his heart.

Faded white just like the others, he gripped the sink counter top tightly, hunching forward over the sink he tried desperately to control his breathing.

Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. He felt as if someone were squeezing the air right out of him, the panic was suffocating him. Leaving him completely breathless.

Get a hold of yourself Lightwood! He thought. He couldn't redraw it again, he could get hooked on this. He couldn't depend on it, he wasn't some type of druggie.

_You'd think someone as smart as you would've realized by now that by just using it once is you're fucking screwed._

"No! No NO!" Alec roared.

He slammed his fist onto the countertop, uncaring of the shot of pain that coursed all the way up to his shoulder.

_Yes, yes, Yes._ The voice sing-songed back at him arrogantly.

Alec looked up, he took in his reflection, it scared him– He didn't look well. He knew that, hiding it was getting harder. He looked malnourished practically, paler than normal and his eyes.

He'd never thought them anything other than ordinary. Just plain blue eyes, but, now he saw that they looked dull and empty; dead practically.

_You do know who's to blame for that right? _

His reflection grimaced. "No one. They've always been like this."

Alec tried to delude himself– or the voice in his head? He wasn't so sure anymore.

_Again with lying to yourself, let me know when you actually believe them. _

I'm to blame, I know that, Alec thought mournfully to himself. Grief's vice tightened around his heart.

Not wanting to stare at his reflection anymore Alec looked away, down at his chest.

The gravity of the situation hit him hard. What was he to do about the rune?

He could re draw it and risk worsening his already fragile mental and emotional wellbeing; he chuckled darkly.

As if he cared about either of those anymore. OR risk who knows what by going out tonight without it and be forced to socially interact.

Alec scoffed, the choice was pretty evident.

_Atta boy_, the voice murmured.

Quickly exiting the bathroom Alec went to his nightstand to get his stele. Sitting down on his bed Alec took in a deep breath as he raised the stele to carve the rune into unto his chest.

"ALEC I'M COMING IN! YOU BETTER BE DECENT!"

"Shit!" Startled by Izzy's yell Alec dropped the stele n the floor only to have it roll under the bed.

Glancing quickly at the turning doorknob Alec dashed over ton his closet, closing the door slightly behind him. The last thing he needed was for Izzy to actually see just how many times he's already used the godforsaken rune on himself.

Slipping on the first shirt he could find, that didn't look like a family of moths had eaten through it he set out to find some boxers and jeans.

I really needed to do laundry soon. Alec thought.

"In the closet, changing." Alec called back as he frantically searched for a pair of clean jeans.

"In the closet, really?" Izzy joked giggling slightly.

Alec rolled his eyes. That joke had gotten old so fast.

"Yes, changing." Slipping on his boxers and jeans Alec walked out of his closet to see his sister sitting comfortably on his bed.

"You ready for tonight?" She said lightly.

Sitting next to her on his bed Alec hunched forward and stared at the ground, forearms on his legs.

"Kinda." He said quietly.

"Are we back to one worded conversations?" Izzy said sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No." – "I mean no we aren't Izzy. I just have stuff on my mind ok?"

Alec argued. Hoping it would placate his sister.

"Ok, well– Clary's here now Jace is explaining everything to her. Simon is getting blood; he'll be back in a bit. So we're all set to talk things over together in a bit."

Alec nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I agree with Jace we can't go without weapons, we'll have to think of something…"

"Definitely." She replied.

Seconds passed in pregnant silence. There was a huge elephant in the room that wasn't getting the attention it required.

"Izzy…" His voice shook lightly, he wasn't sure if he could ask Izzy the question that was foremost on his mind.

_Go for it, it's not gonna be what kills ya_. The voice chastised him.

"Yeah Alec." Izzy asked warily, not sure as to what was occupying his mind. She hoped he would confide in her about his problems but so far he's just closed himself off more and more. She tried to keep the little spark of hope from shinning to brightly just in case.

She put a nonchalant expression on her face as Alec turned his head and faced her, uncertainty etched on his face.

"Do you– do you think he will be there?"

Izzy blinked, a small frown made its way onto her face.

"I– I don't know Alec." She murmured.

Alec frowned, he wasn't ready to see the warlock, he wasn't sure he would ever would be…

_Yeah, you'd no doubt be a mess in front of the poor guy, how embarrassing!_ The voice whispered horrified.

Keeping back a grimace at having the voice once again offer it's unneeded commentary, Alec sighed quietly. Finally looking down at his sister he realized that she was all dressed and ready to go.

Well dressed in a liberal sense, the dress barely covered her behind.

Feeling his judgemental stare Izzy simply rolled her eyes at her over protective brother.

"Alec you're judgmental staring is showing." She quipped.

Alec raised his hands palm up in surrender. "I've said absolutely nothing. Nothing at all."

Getting up from his bed he began to collect his things, his jacket, cellphone, wallet. Looking over longingly at his bow and daggers by his dresser he shook his head slightly, they had to come up with another alternative, he couldn't take his weapons.

Although I can hide a small dagger in my boots just in case, he thought seriously.

Clearing away his thoughts Alec looked over at his sister who was now standing by his bed, a small smile on her face.

Warmth filled him momentarily. His sister deserved to always have a reason to smile.

_Yeah, too bad all you do is make her worry about you._ The voice commented snarkly.

There goes the warmth… Alec gripped his jacket tighter in his hand.

"What's with the smile, something on my face Iz?" He joked.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Just your obvious radiance of joy for tonight's festivities."

Alec scoffed, " Yeah, I'm jumping for joy."

Walking up towards her brother Izzy smiled sadly.

"What–uff" Alec felt his sister hug him tightly, startled Alec stood frozen.

"Maybe he won't be there and if he is, you know we're gonna be there for you. You go that?" She whispered to her brother, hugging him as tightly as she could.

Alec felt his throat tighten up, tears blurred his vision. Wrapping his arms around his baby sister he hugged her just as tight.

"I– I appreciate that Izzy, thank you.?

Blinking back the tears that were on the verge of spilling over, Alec cleared his throat and said lightly hoping she wouldn't take note of the change in his voice.

"Okay, I think that's enough sibling affection for now– now how about you head to the waepons room, tell the others I'll be right over. Ok?"

Pulling away Izzy wiped away some of her smudged eyeliner.

"Sure." Ruffling his messy hair, Izzy left his room leaving Alec alone to recollect himself.

Taking a shaky breath, he got down on his knees to retrieve his stele. Once in his hands he went into the bathroom turning on the likght Alec stared at his reflection, no emotion evident on his face.

It was obvious that he hated what he saw, but then again it wasn't like he could change his face; now could he?

Swiftly removing his shirt he set about redrawing the rune on his chest.

Alec hissed, it was definitely hurting more this time, as tought the very flames of Dante's infeno were the ones branding hin with the one thing that was helping him from completely falling apart, yet at the same time destroying him inside out all together.

Oh the Irony. Alec chuckled darkly.

Then again, if you thought about it, what was there left to destroy?

Alec thought mournfully. Nothing that's what, his eyes showed that. He was giving up, even if he didn't know it yet– He was… He is.

Branding on the final touched on the rune, he finally looked at it in the mirror. Blood dripped down his chest, slowly. He'd applied a bit too much of pressure. Hopefully that might get it to last longer, he thought to himself worriedly.

Closing his eyes, he sighed loudly and leaned back on the wall behind him.

He couldn't– couldn't keep doing this. This was going to get him killed, eventually. He began to sob quietly, not standing to hear himself he bit his knuckles hoping got muffle the sobs that were coming from somewhere deep in his chest.

Even if this would kill him all he could really think about was the fact that it was helping. Helping a lot, way more than he thought it ever would.

He recalled waking up in cold sweat from nightmares, crying himself to sleep and not being able to get out of bed no matter how hard he tried. Feeling absolutely pathetic and dead inside. Constantly reliving the one moment he so despereatly wanted to forget, to wish so that I'd never had happened.

Taking a deep breath in, he cleaned up the drying blood and put on his shirt again and stared at his reflection one last time.

He smiled, his reflection smiled back, if he glanced at his reflection it looked real, the smile that is, but then again he could just be lying to himself again.

Turing off the lights he took everything he needed and exited his room, locking the door behind him.

It helps. It helps. It helps.

"I just have to **not** develop a dependency, that's all…" Alec murmured to himself, making his way towards the weapon room.

If not for myself than for Jace and Izzy, they need me.

Alec sighed, he felt slightly more confident as he opened the door to the weapons room to see everyone talking in hushed tones.

"So have we decided yet? Weapons, no weapons?" He called out to them, his voice clear and filled with nothing but assurance.

They all stared at him, smiles on their faces yet worry in their eyes.

He would figure this out; somehow, they needed him…

_Too bad the one person you need the most doesn't need you._ The voice whispered smugly.

Alec was positive that if the voice had a face, there would be a smirk on it, mocking him.

His chest ached at the voiced comment.

Yeah, too bad I guess. He thought.

Too bad.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN! EARLY HALLOWS EVE EVERYONE!

WILL TRY TO POST SOMETHING FOR YOU GUYS TOMORROW.


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